Ramble On Sports

Where sports, pop culture and everything else collide.

Boston’s Idiot on the verge of return

Posted by Bill Koch on August 23, 2010

We’re just as surprised as anyone to hear that the Boston Red Sox have claimed Johnny Damon on waivers today. We’ve been thinking pretty hard about what Boston might be up to in making this move, and we’ve come up with a few suggestions for those outside of Pink Hat Nation who don’t just want their Idiot back. Theo and The Trio usually have something up their sleeve when it comes to adding payroll while appearing to be already out of the pennant race.

— Damon can help this team win some games down the stretch. He’s a better option at the plate than Ryan Kalish, Darnell McDonald and Eric Patterson, even at this point in his career. If the Red Sox weren’t already out of time and barely treading water – if this deal had gone through on Aug. 3 instead of Aug. 23 – we’d have more reason for optimism.

— Boston is obsessed with finishing the season starting a 37-year-old in center field. Damon will hit that age in November and the Red Sox started the 2010 season by shoving Jacoby Ellsbury aside for the aging Mike Cameron. We all know how that turned out.

— Michelle Damon, Johnny’s absolutely stunning wife, is wanted back in the Bay State. We’re totally cool with claiming her husband on waivers just for a month’s worth of crowd shots featuring her and the mandatory pack of smokeshow friends that she would bring to the Fenway Park box seats.

— The Red Sox need to sell tickets. This economy sucks, Boston still charges some of the highest ticket prices in the league and its front office in nowhere near as loaded as the New York Yankees. That sellout streak will come to an end, as will some of the Red Sox revenue stream from failing to qualify for the postseason. Damon could convince Pink Hat Nation to put off panting over Tom Brady for another month.

— Boston is playing defense out of spite. The Red Sox are ahead of the Yankees and Tampa Bay Rays in the pecking order thanks to their inferior record and maybe they’re just looking to keep Damon from making his way to The Bronx or the Trop Dump. It wouldn’t be beyond Larry Lucchino, he who coined the phrase The Evil Empire when describing the Yankees, to instruct Epstein to do everything he could to make life miserable for the other American League contenders.


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