Ramble On Sports

Where sports, pop culture and everything else collide.

Patriots-Jets running diary

Posted by Bill Koch on September 19, 2010

With all the hype and attention that this week’s Patriots-Jets showdown has received, we here at Ramble On decided that we had to step up our game. The result is a running diary for your reading pleasure. This is all actual material from the BK Lair, and there’s nothing retro or filtered about it.

4:14 p.m. – After watching the Tennessee Titans pretty much hand the Pittsburgh Steelers a game (and a playoff lifeline without Ben Rapelisberger, as Pittsburgh moved to 2-0), we’re live from the Swamps of Jersey. And what’s the first thing we hear? J…E…T…S…you know the rest. I hate Fireman Ed.

4:20 p.m. – As usual, the Patriots run the fake reverse to Wes Welker and throw a bomb toward Randy Moss into double coverage. Of course the pass goes incomplete as Moss crashes out the back of the end zone. We hardly ever (okay, never) second-guess Bill Belichick – he’s forgotten more about football than we’ll ever know – but turn the page. Everyone knows it’s coming and it never works. You’re wasting a down.

4:25 p.m. – That’s a swing and a miss by Kyle Wilson. Tom Brady failed to read the blitz coming from his left, but Wilson whiffed on the sure sack and Brady hit Welker to bring New England into field goal range…

4:26 p.m. – …And Stephen Gostkowski misses the 37-yard kick after the Patriots take a delay of game penalty. What a stupid mistake that was. Guess that new $14-million contract didn’t do much to make Gostkowski much more accurate.

4:29 p.m. – There’s the Mark Sanchez we all know and love!!!! Great diving interception by Patrick Chung after Sanchez overthrew an open Dustin Keller running down the middle of the field. Remember, Jets fans – 20 interceptions last season. Good teams don’t have quarterbacks who throw 20 interceptions. Therefore, by definition, you do not have a good team.

4:32 p.m. – Thanks a lot, video replay. And thanks to you too, CBS, for going to a commercial break to preview some of your horrendous fall programming. I don’t want to hear about Doogie Howser’s new series. Even Rex Ryan and his idiotic coaching staff stopped talking smack long enough to challenge the Chung interception. We could see that call being overturned from a mile away.

4:36 p.m. – My Mom tries hard, but she sometimes knows very little about pop culture. She just correctly identified Justin Timberlake in a commercial and then pressed her luck by guessing that he was in…Boyz II Men. Yep, that’s my Mom. I love her.

4:39 p.m. – Aaron Hernandez just hit the X button on some poor fool in the Jets secondary to pick up a first down. He’s a freak athlete. Thanks for rolling those joints in Gainesville and slipping to the fourth round.

4:41 p.m. – Eric Smith just tried to take Welker’s head off. It’s worth the 15-yard penalty for New York, because there goes New England’s best offensive weapon – and it was all thanks to a high throw by Brady. He just got his primary receiver killed thanks to his inaccuracy. Anybody else notice that, or were you all too blinded by the three rings he won seven years ago?

4:44 p.m. – I don’t think I’ll ever miss Laurence Maroney, but I’m more and more likely to help with his plane ticket out of town every time I watch BenJarvis Green-Ellis push the pile and finish a run with some power. He’s more than capable of playing the necessary role in this offense.

4:46 p.m. – End of the first quarter, 0-0. Feels like New England has had the ball too long to not have the lead. The Patriots need to end this drive in the end zone.

4:52 p.m. – Knee injuries? A dirty hit by Eric Smith? NOTHING stops Wes Welker. There’s his third touchdown of the season and a 7-0 lead for the Patriots. Antonio Cromartie’s coverage on that play was about as solid as his parenting skills. (Yes, that will never get old.)

4:55 p.m. – Charlie Tweeder sure has come a long way from Varsity Blues. First a recurring guest spot on Entourage and now the remake of Hawaii Five-O? We’re impressed. Not bad for a guy who was last seen exploding bottled beers and stealing police cars in the middle of nowhere Texas with Dawson Leery.

4:59 p.m. – The booing has started already in the Swamps of Jersey. It’s only fitting that LaDainian Tomlinson just had back-to-back carries. We’ve told you before here at Ramble On that the guy is a loser.

5:01 p.m. – How does Sanchez not dodge Gerard Warren? He’s more clueless than we ever thought he could be in the pocket. Getting sacked by Warren is like getting sacked by Rex Ryan – unless Ryan thinks you’re a pretzel M&M. Then you’re going down for sure.

5:04 p.m. – That’s about as dumb as it gets from Tully Banta-Cain. You’re facing an offense that can’t move the ball and you just gave them 15 free yards thanks to a late hit four yards out of bounds. I wouldn’t shed a tear if we didn’t see him again for the rest of the day.

5:06 p.m. – Ryan looks about as confused as we’d expect him to look after that Braylon Edwards touchdown. Yes, Rex, that’s what one looks like. More familiar to you and your undisciplined ways should be the taunting penalty that Edwards just took after the score that is going to hand the Patriots good field position on their next drive.

5:13 p.m. – Yet more lessons for Kyle Wilson, courtesy of Wes Welker. Hit AND wrap, son. Don’t just hit. You can’t tackle a tough S.O.B. like Welker that way.

5:16 p.m. – Kyle Arrington just got himself released. Committing a personal foul and allowing the Jets to get off their own 5-yard-line without even running a play is inexcusable. Go join Banta-Cain in the corner and don’t speak again unless spoken to.

5:21 p.m. – Sanchez now has eight straight completions. Is that even possible? The next thing we know, Lindsay Lohan will be clean and sober.

5:25 p.m. – We don’t remember seeing any special teams practice during Hard Knocks this preseason. Guess it never actually happened judging by the way the Jets just let that punt bounce into the end zone.

5:28 p.m. – There’s Hernandez again. Wow. Running like that down the middle of the field should be illegal at his size.

5:30 p.m. – Rich people don’t write checks and SLOUCHES DON’T MAKE THAT CATCH!!! That’s Randy Moss, folks. Not even Darrelle Revis and all his new-found millions can stop something like that. Straight cash indeed. That’s a very fitting way for Moss to rack up his 150th career touchdown and put the Patriots back on top.

5:34 p.m. – No football coach will ever learn that the prevent defense doesn’t work. Baltimore ruined Sanchez last week by attacking him on every snap. Now the Patriots are letting the Jets walk down the field by rushing just three players on every snap during the two-minute drill. They would have had all the momentum going into the locker room for halftime, and now they’re only going to have some of it.

5:37 p.m. – And there’s a three-point gift to New York. That’s some shameful defensive football by New England. It just feels like the Patriots should be much more comfortable than 14-10 at halftime. We’ll be back in a bit when the action resumes.

5:52 p.m. – And we’re back. No signs of Revis as the second half opens. Perhaps his hamstring hurts because he missed all of training camp, was out of shape when he showed up and went straight back into practice. Just sayin’.

5:57 p.m. – Still no Revis as the Patriots set up for their first offensive series of the second half. Believe it or not, this is what we were actually afraid of in New England. Now the Jets fans will have an excuse when the Patriots finish this one off and move to 2-0, resuming their rightful place atop the AFC East.

6:01 p.m. – For all the good he’s done today, Hernandez just showed us that nobody taught him how to block while he was at Florida. He just let Welker get killed on a bubble screen to the left. There’s clearly still some work to do there.

6:03 p.m. – Can somebody explain to me what Brady just did there? He wasn’t under any pressure and just threw the ball up for grabs to hand Cromartie an easy interception in front of Moss. That’s a terrible decision for a guy who is allegedly so cerebral in his approach to the game. It’s 14-10, Tom. It’s not 35-10. Pay attention.

6:06 p.m. – Very nice play call there by the Jets. Everyone in the world thought they were running it on 3rd-and-1 and Sanchez made a beautiful play fake and throw to Dustin Keller to bring the ball out past midfield. You can feel the momentum starting to shift New York’s way.

6:08 p.m. – Now the Patriots are being gashed by Tomlinson. If he had actually done this in the AFC Championship game all those years ago the Chargers might not have wanted to run him out of town so quickly.

6:11 p.m. – Good stand by New England’s defense inside its own 20 to hold the Jets to a field goal. Now Brady and the offense need to respond with a drive to restore order in this one.

6:16 p.m. – There’s an underthrown ball down the seam intended for Rob Gronkowski. It actually made it look like Wilson had decent coverage when he was beaten by a step and at a distinct height disadvantage. Brady is struggling right now and the members of the Jets defense are starting to feel pretty good about themselves. That’s dangerous.

6:20 p.m. – Finally some good news for the Patriots – there goes Nick Mangold to the locker room with a shoulder injury. He’s the best Jets’ offensive lineman by far. Let’s hope New England’s defense starts attacking Sanchez and crew sometime before it’s too late.

6:22 p.m. – Much like they didn’t teach Hernandez to block at Florida, they clearly didn’t teach Brandon Spikes to play pass defense. How many times is Keller going to slip behind him? Somehow, if I could blame Tim Tebow for this, I would.

6:24 p.m. – And the Jets have taken the lead. Sanchez just hit Jericho Cotchery to make it 19-14 with 38 seconds left in the third. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. This all started when the Patriots let New York just roll down the field to end the first half – and when Brady threw that horrendous interception to Cromartie.

6:26 p.m. – Jim Nantz wants someone to talk to Braylon Edwards about nearly picking up a second flag for taunting after he reached over Darius Butler and made a nice catch to pick up the 2-point conversion. Who’s going to do that, Jim? Rex Ryan? Mr. Discipline himself? N.F.W.

6:28 p.m. – Bill Belichick is on the sideline phone and doesn’t look all that happy. He’s either talking to his defensive staff in the booth, his divorce lawyers or one of his kids to arrange bail and get them out of their latest marijuana arrest. It could be all of the above right now and be less painful than going into the fourth quarter trailing.

6:31 p.m. – There’s another terrible throw by Brady intended for Moss. This could be an interception that would allow the Jets to take complete control of this game, and it would be mostly on Brady’s shoulders that it’s gotten to this point. Let’s hope that Eddie Hercules isn’t in a New York State of Mind, because if he is then New England could be just about done in this one.

6:34 p.m. – Nantz just told us that Brady has been intercepted on two of his last four passes. Which of these quarterbacks was the liability coming into this game? Remind me again, because right now it doesn’t look like the guy wearing No. 6 in white. It looks like the guy wearing No. 12 in blue. And Revis is still nowhere to be found. Much like $14 million can’t make a kicker any more accurate, $72 million can’t make a quarterback any more accurate.

6:38 p.m. – Finally some heat on Sanchez and a huge three-and-out from the Patriots defense. That might have saved any chance New England had of winning this game, even with over 13 minutes left.

6:42 p.m. – Brady so far in the second half: 4-for-9, 19 yards, two interceptions. Just sayin’.

6:44 p.m. – Not a good sight here – Kevin Faulk on the bench having his left knee worked on. If New England stays behind for most of this quarter and is forced to throw the ball Faulk is a huge loss.

6:47 p.m. – There’s another prayer thrown in Moss’ direction, this time much too deep. Moss was open and Brady missed him by a mile. That’s another disappointing series that ends in a punt and puts the Jets just one score away from wrapping this one up.

6:51 p.m. – Has anybody seen Brandon Meriweather this season? I see Patrick Chung making a tackle on this latest screen play, but I don’t think I’ve heard Meriweather’s name called since he was curiously voted to last year’s Pro Bowl. Maybe he threatened to take off his helmet and stomp some fools if they pointed out his general ineffectiveness so far this season.

6:54 p.m. – All my UConn people out there are hanging their heads in shame over Darius Butler’s performance today. He’s been awful and been picked on mercilessly by Sanchez, and that pass interference call brings the Jets into field goal range.

6:56 p.m. – And right on cue, there’s ANOTHER pass interference call on Butler. Eddie Hercules got the number wrong – he blamed Chung – but it was Butler who climbed up Cotchery’s back to bring the Jets inside New England’s 10. This game is about to end.

6:57 p.m. – Game over. That Sanchez touchdown pass to Keller should just about do it. There’s a new career high for Sanchez with his third touchdown of the game just one week after he looked worse than Ryan Leaf. This is the perfect example that in the NFL nobody is ever as bad or as good as they look from week to week. The Jets got humbled by the Ravens last week…who lost to the Bengals today…who got humbled by the Patriots last week. That’s the way this league works.

6:59 p.m. – J…E…T…S…JETS! JETS! JETS! God damn that Fireman Ed.

7:00 p.m. – Ever wonder how people who tune into CBS right now feel about 60 Minutes starting late for the 30,256th time during football season? Am I the only person who thinks of these things? I’m about to be 31 years old and I don’t think 60 Minutes has ever started on time during the football season in my life. I wonder how Mike Wallace really feels about this.

7:04 p.m. – How much time does Brady need to make a throw? He had all day until he got sacked by Jason Taylor and fumbled away any chance New England had of staging a late comeback in this one. And stop right now before you get after the offensive line – that’s the first sack the Patriots have allowed this season after giving up less than 20 all of last year. It’s not their fault. Did Welker and Moss suddenly forget how to come open in the secondary after they shredded the Jets in the first half? It’s not their fault either.

7:06 p.m. – That was shades of Taylor’s days in Miami. He’s used Matt Light as his personal turnstile for most of the last decade, first with the Dolphins and now again with the Jets. I hope Taylor did the right thing and named at least one of his kids ‘Matt’ in honor of Light. The way Taylor’s played against him, he’s been able to add a new wing to his Miami mansion with all that contract cash generated by the dozens of sacks he’s racked up against the Patriots.

7:10 p.m. – Get your earplugs out, Patriots fans. That first down leap by Tomlinson should just about do it. We’re going to have to listen to the Jets fans until the two teams meet again in Foxboro on the first Monday night in December. That also brings a close to this running diary. Quite honestly, we have nothing else to say. We’re pretty sure the Jets’ fans will say it all for us.

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One Response to “Patriots-Jets running diary”

  1. Anonymous said

    Don’t sweat Mike Wallace, BK – What’s time when you’re 92? More time to change the Depends?

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