Ramble On Sports

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Posts Tagged ‘Fantasy football’

Why did I sign up for this again?

Posted by bdowd625 on September 8, 2010

My name is BDowd625, sports are my life, and this is the first year I’ve ever played fantasy football. Boy, does it feel good to get that off my chest. I know what you’re all thinking out there — what an incompetent loser this guy is. And you know what? I wouldn’t blame you for feeling that way for a second. For the most part, I simply don’t have the patience to deal with fantasy teams. When I do play fantasy baseball, my squad always ends up sucking, I consistently forget to set my lineup, and I inevitably lose money that would be better served paying off my insurmountable debts.

Alas, this is my maiden voyage into the fantasy-football world. My brother and a couple of his college buddies needed an extra guy and I actually accepted the invitation. Silly me. We held our draft earlier tonight and I present to you now my first ever fantasy-football roster, complete with thoughts and random analysis for each position. Enjoy, fellow fantasy nerds.

QB: Tom Brady – Go ahead. Accuse me of being a homer. Contrary to what my man BK1015 thinks, I’m expecting a big season out of Brady now that he’s two years removed from knee surgery. Or at least that what’s I’m telling myself. Please God, help me.

RB: Knowshon Moreno – Honestly? I needed a running back and he was the best available at that time. That is all.

RB: Jonathan Stewart – Stewart is projected to rush for 1,124 yards and 10 touchdowns this season, which means he’ll either rack up 750 yards and four TDs or lose his arm in a freak lawn dart accident. That’ll be my luck.

RB/WR: Ricky Williams – I was too late in making my selection for this pick, so auto-draft stuck me with Williams. Wonderful. He may not do jack shit on the field this year, but you know he’s got a great Sherpa.

WR: Larry Fitzgerald – I love this guy for so many different reasons – mainly because he’s built like a tank and has tremendous hands. Another reason? Mike Felger said on 98.5 The Sports Hub last year that Fitzgerald’s ass is one big muscle. Gotta love it.

WR: Santana Moss – I’m hoping that with a new quarterback in town (Donovan McNabb) Moss will have a big year. What’s more likely, though, is that McNabb will end up puking on himself when he drops back to pass, leaving Moss to run a 65-yard route down the field without the ball coming his way.

TE: Chris Cooley – Remember that time Cooley posted naked pictures of himself on the Internet? Yeah, that was awesome. If he keeps his clothes on during games and catches the damn ball then we shouldn’t have a problem.

LB: Bart Scott – Typical Ravens/Jets douchebag. Maybe that will translate into some tenacity on defense.

DL: Justin Tuck – I hate the Giants. A lot.

DB: Brandon Meriweather – This pick scares the crap out of me. He’ll have 10-15 plays where he absolutely lights up an unsuspecting receiver coming over the middle. But for every one of those plays, he’ll have three where he blows an easy coverage to give up a touchdown.

D/ST: New York Jets – Rex Ryan and “Hard Knocks” have tainted me. I ended up taking this assortment of clowns in the seventh round. Told you I was new at fantasy football. Here’s hoping Darrelle Revis still knows how to control his island after all that time off.

K: Mason Crosby – He’s a kicker for God’s sake. Does anyone really care about kickers in fantasy football? Somebody get back to me on this one.

Bench: Darren Sproles – He’s an angry little elf.

Bench: Chad Henne – He’s the hot pick this year, isn’t he? Except that I just realized that he and Brady share the same bye week. What. The. Hell. Guess I’ll need a third quarterback then.

Bench: Austin Collie – One of Peyton Manning’s new favorite targets since Marvin Harrison decided to start wielding guns and causing trouble. Works for me.

Bench: Laurence Maroney – Hold onto the damn ball please.

Bench: Kyle Orton – Yawn.

Bench: Kevin Boss – Double yawn.

Bench: Early Doucet – What better way to finish off a draft than by taking Early Doucet? If he doesn’t scream championship, I don’t know who does.

Thanks for reading everyone and stay tuned as I chronicle my fantasy-football failures once the season gets under way.

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