Ramble On Sports

Where sports, pop culture and everything else collide.

Posts Tagged ‘New York Jets’

Five thoughts from Pats/Jets

Posted by bdowd625 on December 7, 2010

Well that was worth the incredibly long wait, wasn’t it? Thanks for showing up, Jets. It’s about time you faced a team that doesn’t suck ass for a living. All we heard leading up to this game was how New York added Santonio Holmes to an already dangerous offense and that Mark Sanchez has grown up in front of our eyes these last few weeks. Blah. Blah. Blah. The Jets are frauds and there’s nothing else to say. But since it’s the season of giving, here are five thoughts to chew on after New England’s 45-3 demolition of the Jets.

* I obviously loved hearing the New England fans chanting “OVER-RATED!” late in the fourth quarter, but I honestly think that was giving the Jets too much credit. Sanchez was brutal. Rex Ryan had no idea how to use his challenges/timeouts. And Steve Weatherford’s 12-yard punt had me crying I was laughing so hard. So much for being ready to play in the biggest game of the season.

* Danny Woodhead must be loving life right now. “You assholes want to cut me so David Clowney can make the team instead? Shove it.” Woodhead is a beast and it seems like he never comes off the field. That’s certainly fine by me because whenever he’s out there something good ends up happening.

*  Two years removed from knee surgery, Tom Brady is finally back to playing like his old self. Brady has now racked up 26 straight wins at home, a ridiculous feat to say the least. He’s been carving up opposing defenses like a delicious Thanksgiving turkey and that trend continued tonight against the feeble Jets. Everyone is calling Philip Rivers the MVP of the league, but Brady is quarterbacking a 10-2 team that looks to be picking up steam with each passing week. Rivers and his Chargers, meanwhile, just dropped their second game to lowly Oakland. Call me when San Diego gets into the playoffs.

* As my man BK and I were talking about earlier tonight, the New York media will spin this loss in some ridiculous fashion that lets the Jets off the hook. My guess is they’ll call the Pats insensitive for running up the score and say that this is the second coming of Spygate. No matter what, though, the New York Post will have an interesting headline for their sports section tomorrow morning. Stay tuned.

* LaDainian Tomlinson confirmed that he’s still one of the biggest douchebags in the NFL. After a first-down run in the first quarter, LT felt the need to thump his chest and make a fool of himself, drawing the ire of all the New England fans in attendance. The play summed up his career for the last couple of seasons – all bark and very, very little bite. And spare me this nonsense about how Tomlinson has been rejuvenated with the Jets. I’ve got three letters for you. HGH. Yup, I went there.

All in all, it was an outstanding win for the Patriots, and here’s hoping they keep the ball rolling next week in Chicago.

Posted in Football | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Pats vs. Jets – Who ya got?

Posted by bdowd625 on December 6, 2010

I’ll be the first to admit that we’ve dropped the ball here at Ramble On over the last month or so. BK and I have been quite busy with our real jobs, so, as a result, the blog has suffered since the end of the World Series. We’ve come roaring back tonight, though, just in time for the Pats/Jets showdown, which promises to be a classic. Both squads come into the game with 9-2 records, and the winner will most likely grab the top seed and home-field advantage throughout the AFC Playoffs.

Tom Brady is having one of the best seasons of his career, and I’m expecting another big-time performance out of him tonight. But Rex Ryan seems to think the Jets will emerge with a victory and I’m sure most New York fans feel the same way. Either way, we’re turning to our faithful followers to make the call in our daily poll question.

Enjoy the game, everyone!

Posted in Football | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Fireman Ed the latest Jets’ link to trouble

Posted by Bill Koch on September 23, 2010

Apparently the need for legal advice and discipline isn’t confined to the New York Jets’ players, coaching staff and front office.

First it was Rex Ryan needing a bar of soap to wash out his potty mouth. Then it was Braylon Edwards getting hooked for DWI on Tuesday morning and adding his name to the roster of criminals and drug users that general manager Mike Tannenbaum has put together. Now New York’s most identifiable fan, Fireman Ed, is in trouble with the law after being charged on Thursday with simple assault.

Apparently the leader of the infamous ‘J…E…T…S…’ chant shoved a Giants’ fan during a preseason game in August. We here at Ramble On know that these things can happen when heated rivals get together – we’ve been in our share of Red Sox-Yankees scrapes during our time – but this is just hilariously bad timing for the Jets. This is the last type of publicity that they need in the wake of their disastrous trip through Hard Knocks, their shameful indulgence of Edwards’ bad behavior and their head coach’s complete and utter lack of control of his players and organization. We can only sit back and laugh as the Jets become the NFL’s laughingstock yet again.

Posted in Football | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Edwards the latest Jet to crash

Posted by Bill Koch on September 21, 2010

Doesn’t Braylon Edwards make enough money to hire a driver for the night?

Can’t he get one of the lackeys in his entourage to take the keys and rack up any potential DWI charges on the way home after a long night out in Manhattan? That’s what those guys are there for, right?

Certainly Braylon could just rack a hotel room on the West Side by dropping the classic, ‘Don’t you know who I am? I’m Braylon Edwards, and I play for Rex Ryan’s motherf%$&*^@ Jets!’

The answer to all of those questions, apparently, is ‘NO.’ Yes, capital letters were used on purpose – the answer has to be pretty emphatic when you consider that Edwards got hooked this morning at 5:15 a.m. and slapped with a DWI charge while piloting his Range Rover in Manhattan. Edwards was pulled over for having an illegal tint on his windows (a classic excuse to pull someone over straight out of Police Work 101) and blew a .16 on the breathalyzer.

Edwards got behind the wheel Tuesday morning despite the option to use the Player Protect program, a 24-hour car service that entitles professional athletes to a ride home in a luxury SUV or a Mercedes limo. The teams that employ the service pick up the tab, no questions asked. Instead of riding home in style, Edwards got an unwanted escort in the back of a squad car and a night in the drunk tank to think about how badly he’s screwed up his latest second chance.

We’ll address our own questions one at a time. Edwards makes $6.05 million this season – that’s probably enough to afford a ride home from Jupiter after a long night out. Hiring a car service or a limo is probably within Edwards’ price range, and he didn’t even need to do that. His team would have covered the cost.

Edwards was with four passengers in his vehicle when he was pulled over. These four clowns also have to take some blame here if you’re in the Edwards camp. Guys, that bar tab and all the whores at Flashdancers [this link is VERY NSFW] were covered by your meal ticket – who you let jump behind the wheel and get in trouble. Epic. Failure. This is Entourage 101. You ever see Vincent Chase driving home after a long night out? That’s what Turtle is for. He takes the wrap if they get caught passing a joint around the tricked-out Lincoln.

Tuesday is a mandatory day off for NFL players. Edwards could have slept in a gutter and been just fine to show up for Wednesday’s practice – he likely has the cash to rent a room as we discussed earlier. He didn’t need to be anywhere after he showed up to teammate Jericho Cotchery’s benefit on Monday night. Sleep it off, crack some Advil and live to fight another day.

We’d expect nothing less from an undisciplined moron like Edwards. He’s been in trouble with the law before and was present on that fateful night/morning in Miami when Donte’ Stallworth took the keys at about 7 a.m. and ran down a pedestrian. The trade that brought Edwards to New York from Cleveland, where he was a bust as a first-round pick out of Michigan, was partly triggered by a fight that Edwards started with a member of LeBron James’ entourage outside a nightclub in 2009. Edwards pled no contest to assault charges, was slapped on the wrist and received a one-way ticket out of town from the Browns.

What do we expect Edwards to learn from his current organization? They took away a game ball from him after he was flagged for taunting on Sunday against the Patriots. It should have happened twice, but the officials showed mercy and left Edwards alone when he started woofing in Darius Butler’s face the second time around after he caught a 2-point conversion pass.

That’s been the problem all along – Edwards has asked for and received leniency. He was allowed to plead no contest to his Cleveland charges and not punished by New York despite leaving for his court date in the middle of preparing for a playoff game. He was never reprimanded by the league for his role in the Stallworth incident – guaranteed some of Braylon’s Patron shots ended up pickling Stallworth’s brain in the hours leading up to that accident. Ryan took away a potential game ball from him on Sunday? Big frickin’ deal. The Jets could send a strong message to him and the rest of their idiots by suspending him without pay for a few games, including this week’s critical AFC East clash with Miami. Want to take a guess about what we think the chances of that happening are?

Posted in Football | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Patriots-Jets running diary

Posted by Bill Koch on September 19, 2010

With all the hype and attention that this week’s Patriots-Jets showdown has received, we here at Ramble On decided that we had to step up our game. The result is a running diary for your reading pleasure. This is all actual material from the BK Lair, and there’s nothing retro or filtered about it.

4:14 p.m. – After watching the Tennessee Titans pretty much hand the Pittsburgh Steelers a game (and a playoff lifeline without Ben Rapelisberger, as Pittsburgh moved to 2-0), we’re live from the Swamps of Jersey. And what’s the first thing we hear? J…E…T…S…you know the rest. I hate Fireman Ed.

4:20 p.m. – As usual, the Patriots run the fake reverse to Wes Welker and throw a bomb toward Randy Moss into double coverage. Of course the pass goes incomplete as Moss crashes out the back of the end zone. We hardly ever (okay, never) second-guess Bill Belichick – he’s forgotten more about football than we’ll ever know – but turn the page. Everyone knows it’s coming and it never works. You’re wasting a down.

4:25 p.m. – That’s a swing and a miss by Kyle Wilson. Tom Brady failed to read the blitz coming from his left, but Wilson whiffed on the sure sack and Brady hit Welker to bring New England into field goal range…

4:26 p.m. – …And Stephen Gostkowski misses the 37-yard kick after the Patriots take a delay of game penalty. What a stupid mistake that was. Guess that new $14-million contract didn’t do much to make Gostkowski much more accurate.

4:29 p.m. – There’s the Mark Sanchez we all know and love!!!! Great diving interception by Patrick Chung after Sanchez overthrew an open Dustin Keller running down the middle of the field. Remember, Jets fans – 20 interceptions last season. Good teams don’t have quarterbacks who throw 20 interceptions. Therefore, by definition, you do not have a good team.

4:32 p.m. – Thanks a lot, video replay. And thanks to you too, CBS, for going to a commercial break to preview some of your horrendous fall programming. I don’t want to hear about Doogie Howser’s new series. Even Rex Ryan and his idiotic coaching staff stopped talking smack long enough to challenge the Chung interception. We could see that call being overturned from a mile away.

4:36 p.m. – My Mom tries hard, but she sometimes knows very little about pop culture. She just correctly identified Justin Timberlake in a commercial and then pressed her luck by guessing that he was in…Boyz II Men. Yep, that’s my Mom. I love her.

4:39 p.m. – Aaron Hernandez just hit the X button on some poor fool in the Jets secondary to pick up a first down. He’s a freak athlete. Thanks for rolling those joints in Gainesville and slipping to the fourth round.

4:41 p.m. – Eric Smith just tried to take Welker’s head off. It’s worth the 15-yard penalty for New York, because there goes New England’s best offensive weapon – and it was all thanks to a high throw by Brady. He just got his primary receiver killed thanks to his inaccuracy. Anybody else notice that, or were you all too blinded by the three rings he won seven years ago?

4:44 p.m. – I don’t think I’ll ever miss Laurence Maroney, but I’m more and more likely to help with his plane ticket out of town every time I watch BenJarvis Green-Ellis push the pile and finish a run with some power. He’s more than capable of playing the necessary role in this offense.

4:46 p.m. – End of the first quarter, 0-0. Feels like New England has had the ball too long to not have the lead. The Patriots need to end this drive in the end zone.

4:52 p.m. – Knee injuries? A dirty hit by Eric Smith? NOTHING stops Wes Welker. There’s his third touchdown of the season and a 7-0 lead for the Patriots. Antonio Cromartie’s coverage on that play was about as solid as his parenting skills. (Yes, that will never get old.)

4:55 p.m. – Charlie Tweeder sure has come a long way from Varsity Blues. First a recurring guest spot on Entourage and now the remake of Hawaii Five-O? We’re impressed. Not bad for a guy who was last seen exploding bottled beers and stealing police cars in the middle of nowhere Texas with Dawson Leery.

4:59 p.m. – The booing has started already in the Swamps of Jersey. It’s only fitting that LaDainian Tomlinson just had back-to-back carries. We’ve told you before here at Ramble On that the guy is a loser.

5:01 p.m. – How does Sanchez not dodge Gerard Warren? He’s more clueless than we ever thought he could be in the pocket. Getting sacked by Warren is like getting sacked by Rex Ryan – unless Ryan thinks you’re a pretzel M&M. Then you’re going down for sure.

5:04 p.m. – That’s about as dumb as it gets from Tully Banta-Cain. You’re facing an offense that can’t move the ball and you just gave them 15 free yards thanks to a late hit four yards out of bounds. I wouldn’t shed a tear if we didn’t see him again for the rest of the day.

5:06 p.m. – Ryan looks about as confused as we’d expect him to look after that Braylon Edwards touchdown. Yes, Rex, that’s what one looks like. More familiar to you and your undisciplined ways should be the taunting penalty that Edwards just took after the score that is going to hand the Patriots good field position on their next drive.

5:13 p.m. – Yet more lessons for Kyle Wilson, courtesy of Wes Welker. Hit AND wrap, son. Don’t just hit. You can’t tackle a tough S.O.B. like Welker that way.

5:16 p.m. – Kyle Arrington just got himself released. Committing a personal foul and allowing the Jets to get off their own 5-yard-line without even running a play is inexcusable. Go join Banta-Cain in the corner and don’t speak again unless spoken to.

5:21 p.m. – Sanchez now has eight straight completions. Is that even possible? The next thing we know, Lindsay Lohan will be clean and sober.

5:25 p.m. – We don’t remember seeing any special teams practice during Hard Knocks this preseason. Guess it never actually happened judging by the way the Jets just let that punt bounce into the end zone.

5:28 p.m. – There’s Hernandez again. Wow. Running like that down the middle of the field should be illegal at his size.

5:30 p.m. – Rich people don’t write checks and SLOUCHES DON’T MAKE THAT CATCH!!! That’s Randy Moss, folks. Not even Darrelle Revis and all his new-found millions can stop something like that. Straight cash indeed. That’s a very fitting way for Moss to rack up his 150th career touchdown and put the Patriots back on top.

5:34 p.m. – No football coach will ever learn that the prevent defense doesn’t work. Baltimore ruined Sanchez last week by attacking him on every snap. Now the Patriots are letting the Jets walk down the field by rushing just three players on every snap during the two-minute drill. They would have had all the momentum going into the locker room for halftime, and now they’re only going to have some of it.

5:37 p.m. – And there’s a three-point gift to New York. That’s some shameful defensive football by New England. It just feels like the Patriots should be much more comfortable than 14-10 at halftime. We’ll be back in a bit when the action resumes.

5:52 p.m. – And we’re back. No signs of Revis as the second half opens. Perhaps his hamstring hurts because he missed all of training camp, was out of shape when he showed up and went straight back into practice. Just sayin’.

5:57 p.m. – Still no Revis as the Patriots set up for their first offensive series of the second half. Believe it or not, this is what we were actually afraid of in New England. Now the Jets fans will have an excuse when the Patriots finish this one off and move to 2-0, resuming their rightful place atop the AFC East.

6:01 p.m. – For all the good he’s done today, Hernandez just showed us that nobody taught him how to block while he was at Florida. He just let Welker get killed on a bubble screen to the left. There’s clearly still some work to do there.

6:03 p.m. – Can somebody explain to me what Brady just did there? He wasn’t under any pressure and just threw the ball up for grabs to hand Cromartie an easy interception in front of Moss. That’s a terrible decision for a guy who is allegedly so cerebral in his approach to the game. It’s 14-10, Tom. It’s not 35-10. Pay attention.

6:06 p.m. – Very nice play call there by the Jets. Everyone in the world thought they were running it on 3rd-and-1 and Sanchez made a beautiful play fake and throw to Dustin Keller to bring the ball out past midfield. You can feel the momentum starting to shift New York’s way.

6:08 p.m. – Now the Patriots are being gashed by Tomlinson. If he had actually done this in the AFC Championship game all those years ago the Chargers might not have wanted to run him out of town so quickly.

6:11 p.m. – Good stand by New England’s defense inside its own 20 to hold the Jets to a field goal. Now Brady and the offense need to respond with a drive to restore order in this one.

6:16 p.m. – There’s an underthrown ball down the seam intended for Rob Gronkowski. It actually made it look like Wilson had decent coverage when he was beaten by a step and at a distinct height disadvantage. Brady is struggling right now and the members of the Jets defense are starting to feel pretty good about themselves. That’s dangerous.

6:20 p.m. – Finally some good news for the Patriots – there goes Nick Mangold to the locker room with a shoulder injury. He’s the best Jets’ offensive lineman by far. Let’s hope New England’s defense starts attacking Sanchez and crew sometime before it’s too late.

6:22 p.m. – Much like they didn’t teach Hernandez to block at Florida, they clearly didn’t teach Brandon Spikes to play pass defense. How many times is Keller going to slip behind him? Somehow, if I could blame Tim Tebow for this, I would.

6:24 p.m. – And the Jets have taken the lead. Sanchez just hit Jericho Cotchery to make it 19-14 with 38 seconds left in the third. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. This all started when the Patriots let New York just roll down the field to end the first half – and when Brady threw that horrendous interception to Cromartie.

6:26 p.m. – Jim Nantz wants someone to talk to Braylon Edwards about nearly picking up a second flag for taunting after he reached over Darius Butler and made a nice catch to pick up the 2-point conversion. Who’s going to do that, Jim? Rex Ryan? Mr. Discipline himself? N.F.W.

6:28 p.m. – Bill Belichick is on the sideline phone and doesn’t look all that happy. He’s either talking to his defensive staff in the booth, his divorce lawyers or one of his kids to arrange bail and get them out of their latest marijuana arrest. It could be all of the above right now and be less painful than going into the fourth quarter trailing.

6:31 p.m. – There’s another terrible throw by Brady intended for Moss. This could be an interception that would allow the Jets to take complete control of this game, and it would be mostly on Brady’s shoulders that it’s gotten to this point. Let’s hope that Eddie Hercules isn’t in a New York State of Mind, because if he is then New England could be just about done in this one.

6:34 p.m. – Nantz just told us that Brady has been intercepted on two of his last four passes. Which of these quarterbacks was the liability coming into this game? Remind me again, because right now it doesn’t look like the guy wearing No. 6 in white. It looks like the guy wearing No. 12 in blue. And Revis is still nowhere to be found. Much like $14 million can’t make a kicker any more accurate, $72 million can’t make a quarterback any more accurate.

6:38 p.m. – Finally some heat on Sanchez and a huge three-and-out from the Patriots defense. That might have saved any chance New England had of winning this game, even with over 13 minutes left.

6:42 p.m. – Brady so far in the second half: 4-for-9, 19 yards, two interceptions. Just sayin’.

6:44 p.m. – Not a good sight here – Kevin Faulk on the bench having his left knee worked on. If New England stays behind for most of this quarter and is forced to throw the ball Faulk is a huge loss.

6:47 p.m. – There’s another prayer thrown in Moss’ direction, this time much too deep. Moss was open and Brady missed him by a mile. That’s another disappointing series that ends in a punt and puts the Jets just one score away from wrapping this one up.

6:51 p.m. – Has anybody seen Brandon Meriweather this season? I see Patrick Chung making a tackle on this latest screen play, but I don’t think I’ve heard Meriweather’s name called since he was curiously voted to last year’s Pro Bowl. Maybe he threatened to take off his helmet and stomp some fools if they pointed out his general ineffectiveness so far this season.

6:54 p.m. – All my UConn people out there are hanging their heads in shame over Darius Butler’s performance today. He’s been awful and been picked on mercilessly by Sanchez, and that pass interference call brings the Jets into field goal range.

6:56 p.m. – And right on cue, there’s ANOTHER pass interference call on Butler. Eddie Hercules got the number wrong – he blamed Chung – but it was Butler who climbed up Cotchery’s back to bring the Jets inside New England’s 10. This game is about to end.

6:57 p.m. – Game over. That Sanchez touchdown pass to Keller should just about do it. There’s a new career high for Sanchez with his third touchdown of the game just one week after he looked worse than Ryan Leaf. This is the perfect example that in the NFL nobody is ever as bad or as good as they look from week to week. The Jets got humbled by the Ravens last week…who lost to the Bengals today…who got humbled by the Patriots last week. That’s the way this league works.

6:59 p.m. – J…E…T…S…JETS! JETS! JETS! God damn that Fireman Ed.

7:00 p.m. – Ever wonder how people who tune into CBS right now feel about 60 Minutes starting late for the 30,256th time during football season? Am I the only person who thinks of these things? I’m about to be 31 years old and I don’t think 60 Minutes has ever started on time during the football season in my life. I wonder how Mike Wallace really feels about this.

7:04 p.m. – How much time does Brady need to make a throw? He had all day until he got sacked by Jason Taylor and fumbled away any chance New England had of staging a late comeback in this one. And stop right now before you get after the offensive line – that’s the first sack the Patriots have allowed this season after giving up less than 20 all of last year. It’s not their fault. Did Welker and Moss suddenly forget how to come open in the secondary after they shredded the Jets in the first half? It’s not their fault either.

7:06 p.m. – That was shades of Taylor’s days in Miami. He’s used Matt Light as his personal turnstile for most of the last decade, first with the Dolphins and now again with the Jets. I hope Taylor did the right thing and named at least one of his kids ‘Matt’ in honor of Light. The way Taylor’s played against him, he’s been able to add a new wing to his Miami mansion with all that contract cash generated by the dozens of sacks he’s racked up against the Patriots.

7:10 p.m. – Get your earplugs out, Patriots fans. That first down leap by Tomlinson should just about do it. We’re going to have to listen to the Jets fans until the two teams meet again in Foxboro on the first Monday night in December. That also brings a close to this running diary. Quite honestly, we have nothing else to say. We’re pretty sure the Jets’ fans will say it all for us.

Posted in Football | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

J-E-T-S! SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!

Posted by bdowd625 on September 13, 2010

Is this what the new era of New York Jets football is going to look like? Six first downs and 125 penalty yards? I’m so glad Hard Knocks prepared us for a title-contending team when, in reality, we’re forced to watch a cast of surly characters that belongs in a Pop Warner league. I’ll give the defense some props – it certainly held up its end of the bargain – but Mark Sanchez looks like he wouldn’t be able to lead USC on a scoring drive right now, let alone an NFL squad. So in keeping with our theme here at Ramble On, here are five thoughts from tonight’s Jets/Ravens tilt:

* Did anyone see the scuffle that took place at midfield before the game even started? Bart Scott ended up whipping a football at about 110 MPH right at Ray Rice’s back. With an arm like that, I think Rex Ryan should consider moving him to quarterback for the rest of the season. He has to rack up more yardage on a weekly basis than Sanchez did tonight.

* My dad had the line of the night during the fourth quarter. ESPN put the camera on the Jets secondary and the old man says, “Hey, look, it’s Revis and Butthead.” Butthead being none other than Antonio Cromartie. There aren’t many names more fitting than Butthead when you get flagged for three pass-interference calls and a handful of child-support infractions. Deadbeat might be an alternative, but making that joke is a little too easy at this point.

* As my man BK has been attesting for a while now, you simply SHOULD NOT piss off Ray Lewis. Ray-Ray is getting up there in age a little bit, but my God can the man still hit. Just ask Dustin Keller. He got his cage rattled so loudly in the fourth quarter that he forgot he needed to go an extra yard on fourth down to keep his team’s drive alive on the very next play. If I’m the Jets’ doctors I’m giving Dustin a CT scan when he gets back to the locker room.

* For the first part of this game, I was actually hoping the Jets defense would play well to help out my fantasy team. Once I realized I had no chance of winning this week, though, I prayed they’d get torched like Joe Pesci’s head in Home Alone. My love for the Patriots will always surpass any fantasy interests, and tonight just drove that point home even further.

* I found it comical that LaDainian Tomlinson started thumping his chest whenever he picked up a first down. Dude, your team has 9 points and is going nowhere fast. Save all the celebration bullshit. Better yet, go put your Darth Vader cape on and ride the exercise bike until further notice.

I can’t wait for next week when the Pats visit New Meadowlands Stadium. By the way, that name is nothing short of an atrocity.

Posted in Football | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Why did I sign up for this again?

Posted by bdowd625 on September 8, 2010

My name is BDowd625, sports are my life, and this is the first year I’ve ever played fantasy football. Boy, does it feel good to get that off my chest. I know what you’re all thinking out there — what an incompetent loser this guy is. And you know what? I wouldn’t blame you for feeling that way for a second. For the most part, I simply don’t have the patience to deal with fantasy teams. When I do play fantasy baseball, my squad always ends up sucking, I consistently forget to set my lineup, and I inevitably lose money that would be better served paying off my insurmountable debts.

Alas, this is my maiden voyage into the fantasy-football world. My brother and a couple of his college buddies needed an extra guy and I actually accepted the invitation. Silly me. We held our draft earlier tonight and I present to you now my first ever fantasy-football roster, complete with thoughts and random analysis for each position. Enjoy, fellow fantasy nerds.

QB: Tom Brady – Go ahead. Accuse me of being a homer. Contrary to what my man BK1015 thinks, I’m expecting a big season out of Brady now that he’s two years removed from knee surgery. Or at least that what’s I’m telling myself. Please God, help me.

RB: Knowshon Moreno – Honestly? I needed a running back and he was the best available at that time. That is all.

RB: Jonathan Stewart – Stewart is projected to rush for 1,124 yards and 10 touchdowns this season, which means he’ll either rack up 750 yards and four TDs or lose his arm in a freak lawn dart accident. That’ll be my luck.

RB/WR: Ricky Williams – I was too late in making my selection for this pick, so auto-draft stuck me with Williams. Wonderful. He may not do jack shit on the field this year, but you know he’s got a great Sherpa.

WR: Larry Fitzgerald – I love this guy for so many different reasons – mainly because he’s built like a tank and has tremendous hands. Another reason? Mike Felger said on 98.5 The Sports Hub last year that Fitzgerald’s ass is one big muscle. Gotta love it.

WR: Santana Moss – I’m hoping that with a new quarterback in town (Donovan McNabb) Moss will have a big year. What’s more likely, though, is that McNabb will end up puking on himself when he drops back to pass, leaving Moss to run a 65-yard route down the field without the ball coming his way.

TE: Chris Cooley – Remember that time Cooley posted naked pictures of himself on the Internet? Yeah, that was awesome. If he keeps his clothes on during games and catches the damn ball then we shouldn’t have a problem.

LB: Bart Scott – Typical Ravens/Jets douchebag. Maybe that will translate into some tenacity on defense.

DL: Justin Tuck – I hate the Giants. A lot.

DB: Brandon Meriweather – This pick scares the crap out of me. He’ll have 10-15 plays where he absolutely lights up an unsuspecting receiver coming over the middle. But for every one of those plays, he’ll have three where he blows an easy coverage to give up a touchdown.

D/ST: New York Jets – Rex Ryan and “Hard Knocks” have tainted me. I ended up taking this assortment of clowns in the seventh round. Told you I was new at fantasy football. Here’s hoping Darrelle Revis still knows how to control his island after all that time off.

K: Mason Crosby – He’s a kicker for God’s sake. Does anyone really care about kickers in fantasy football? Somebody get back to me on this one.

Bench: Darren Sproles – He’s an angry little elf.

Bench: Chad Henne – He’s the hot pick this year, isn’t he? Except that I just realized that he and Brady share the same bye week. What. The. Hell. Guess I’ll need a third quarterback then.

Bench: Austin Collie – One of Peyton Manning’s new favorite targets since Marvin Harrison decided to start wielding guns and causing trouble. Works for me.

Bench: Laurence Maroney – Hold onto the damn ball please.

Bench: Kyle Orton – Yawn.

Bench: Kevin Boss – Double yawn.

Bench: Early Doucet – What better way to finish off a draft than by taking Early Doucet? If he doesn’t scream championship, I don’t know who does.

Thanks for reading everyone and stay tuned as I chronicle my fantasy-football failures once the season gets under way.

Posted in Football | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Sexy Rexy and the state of the New York Jets

Posted by bdowd625 on March 15, 2010

The New York Jets have to be the busiest team in pro sports right now. Every day they’re either cutting someone (Thomas Jones), signing someone (LaDainian Tomlinson) or releasing medical information (in this case, news of Rex Ryan’s heroic weight-loss effort). Talk about having a lot on your plate.

Speaking of having a lot on your plate, Ryan recently underwent lap-band surgery, which will make him get full faster and supposedly help him lose weight. Maybe now he’ll stop at 15 White Castle burgers instead of his usual 20, but I digress. The guy’s just a straight-up slob that loves to run his mouth and fill it with all sorts of delicious goodies at the same time. Just check out his smokin’ hot body in the video clip below. Dead sexy.

But enough about Rex. The real reason for this post is to welcome that crybaby LT to the AFC East. I think the Jets signed him to play a Kevin Faulk-type role, one in which he catches passes out of the backfield and takes an occasional handoff on third down. What I’m expecting, however, is more crying on the sidelines in Foxboro when he can’t get his tender quad stretched out. And now we get to see it twice a year since he’s in the Patriots’ division! Christmas has come early!

Suck it, LT. Your career is over. Now go make another shitty YouTube video where you pretend that you’re a good dancer.

Posted in Football | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Twelve random (and heartless) predictions for each of the NFL playoff teams

Posted by bdowd625 on January 8, 2010

AFC

Baltimore Ravens – Ray Lewis kills a man with his own two hands on Saturday night, a jury acquits him of all wrongdoing on Sunday morning and the Patriots still go out and stomp him and the rest of the Ravens that afternoon to advance to the next round.

Cincinatti Bengals – The Bengals seem to think they’re going to magically flip a switch and reverse their results against the Jets following an absolute beatdown last week. Instead, Chris Henry’s fiancee runs over the entire offensive line with a pickup truck and, with no protection, Carson Palmer ends up on his back all game long and the Bengals get bounced from the postseason. (Ouch, too soon?)

Indianapolis Colts – After filming 38 commercials leading up to the Colts’ second-round game, an exhausted Peyton Manning sleeps through his alarm clock, forcing Curtis Painter into the starting quarterback role. We all know how that one plays out. Can you spell interception?

New England Patriots – Wes Welker has his injured leg amputated, he puts on a bionic limb and then leads the Pats with 17 catches for 165 yards to help New England down Baltimore. Hey, a guy can dream, can’t he?

New York Jets – Mark Sanchez becomes the first NFL quarterback in the league’s history to throw seven interceptions in one game and still earn the win. You can thank Thomas Jones and Brad Smith for their 300 rushing yards, Mark.

San Diego Chargers – Isn’t Norv Turner still their head coach? Yeah, they ain’t winnin’ anything this year.

NFC

Arizona Cardinals – Kurt Warner goes down early with an injury and Matt Leinart is forced to take over at quarterback. Right on cue, Leinart channels his old self from his USC days and leads the Cardinals to a win. Then, immediately after the game, he attends a hot tub party in Scottsdale and proceeds to sleep with every 18 year old there.

Dallas Cowboys – Tony Romo realizes what an idiot he was by swapping Carrie Underwood for Jessica Simpson and, in an attempt to gain some peace of mind, he heads to Mexico during the Cowboys’ opening-round game against Philadelphia. Miraculously, Dallas wins without him.

Green Bay Packers – Aaron Rogers cements his place as the Packers’ newest quarterback legend, throwing four interceptions in a devestating loss to the Cardinals.

Minnesota Vikings – Given a week off to rest up for the second round of the playoffs, Brett Favre tears his ACL filming a new Wrangler Jeans commercial, one in which he wears a purple shirt instead of that green and yellow Packer nonsense they made him sport in the first one. Tavaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels combine to throw 11 interceptions in Minnesota’s first playoff game, as the Vikings lose, 245-7.

New Orleans Saints – Drew Brees and the Saints, after ending the regular season with some bad losses, actually lose their first playoff game. I know, this isn’t a random prediction. But I think it’s more telling than anything else I could’ve possibly written about them. It looks like that game against the Patriots was the Super Bowl for them too because they’ve looked pretty beatable ever since.

Philadelphia Eagles – Donovan McNabb starts dryheaving in the huddle on the Eagles’ first possession against the Cowboys. Philadelphia is within striking distance late in the game, but McNabb, the most overrated quarterback of the last decade, really starts vomiting in the fourth quarter and is forced to leave the game. Dallas hangs on for the victory.

Posted in Football | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Playoffs here we come

Posted by bdowd625 on December 27, 2009

For the second week in a row, I found myself in the car during the Patriots game. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing after all, as the Pats have now won consecutive games while I put more miles on my 2007 Honda Civic. Either way, New England is headed back to the playoffs, thanks to their 35-7 demolishing of the Jacksonville Jaguars today at Gillette Stadium.

Say what you want about the Patriots (and I certainly have during this inconsistent season), but they’re one of only 12 teams headed to the playoffs. No matter how they got there, not every team is lucky enough to be in the same position. Take pleasure in it New England fans, because, as we learned last year, the postseason isn’t always a guarantee.

This game didn’t start off too well. The Pats moved the ball down the field at will on the game’s first drive, only to have Laurence Maroney (Yes, I’m on back his case again.) fumble at the 1-yard line. I nearly swerved off the road and ran over a homeless hitchhiker when I heard that on the radio, but the defense held strong on the ensuing drive and the Patriot offense crushed the Jaguars’ hopes the rest of the way.

We have one week left – with a meaningless game against Houston on the horizon – and the Pats should definitely rest some of their banged-up players – Tom Brady included. No matter what happens, though, New England is back in the playoffs and that’s really what counts.

Some other thoughts from today’s Patriots game and from around the NFL:

*  Brady played like the quarterback we all know and love. It’s about time. I don’t care if he’s hurt or not. With a performance like today’s – even in a flack jacket or whatever the hell he was wearing – there are no excuses going forward. Well done, my man.

*  If Sammy Morris could only stay healthy, the Pats would have a trio of capable running backs. That’s not including Fred Taylor, of course, because I just don’t see how much of an impact he can have down the stretch after missing the majority of the season.

*  There was some speculation as to whether or not Randy Moss quit on his team following that debacle against the Carolina Panthers two weeks ago. With three more touchdown catches today, I think we have our answer.

*  From what I heard, the Patriot defense was everywhere today. They seemed to be in on every play and Maurice Jones-Drew-Johnson-Smith didn’t really do much of anything. Not bad considering Vince Wilfork and 37 other starters were out with myriad injuries. And James Sanders finally resurfaced today. I thought he was taking over for his uncle as the new president of Kentucky Fried Chicken, but apparently I was wrong.

*  It’s hard for me to admit this, but I actually like Peyton Manning – as an actor or in commercials I should add. But when the Colts lost to the Jets today, it made me quite happy. That’s hard for me to concede, by the way, because the New York Jets are one of the only teams I hate more than the Colts. I love that the Jets think they have an actual chance to go all the way now, because God knows they’re either going to lose next week at Cincy or in the first round of the playoffs. Watching Rex Ryan cry after their season-ending loss will be the best Christmas present I could ask for. Next to my authentic Marc Savard jersey, of course.

*  Did the New Orleans Saints really just lose to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? Pardon me, for not being overly scared of the Saints now. Losing back-to-back games, especially at this point in the season, doesn’t exactly scream, “We’re going all the way.”

*  That’s certainly OK by me, though, because the Patriots are slowly rounding into the team we all thought they would be at the beginning of the season. Yes, the best they can finish is 11-5, but so what? I’d take my chances with them any day of the week at this point.

Happy holidays, everyone.

Posted in Football | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »